Have I Fallen out of Love or am I just Depressed?

When you're in a relationship and you start feeling disconnected from your partner, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that you've fallen out of love. The feeling of “being in love” or “falling in love”, however, is usually most present during the honeymoon stage, which typically lasts from 6-18 months. After that, it’s normal and natural for the nature of your relationship to change. Typical (and healthy!) relationships ebb and flow, with periods of closeness followed by periods of differentiation. During these periods, it might seem like you are drifting apart or falling out of love, however, it's crucial to consider other factors that might be influencing your emotions, such as depression, anxiety, or other life circumstances.
In this blog post, we'll explore the complex relationship between falling out of love and experiencing depression, helping you understand your feelings better and make informed decisions about your relationship.

1. Recognizing the Symptoms of Depression:
   Depression can manifest in various ways, and it's essential to be aware of the common signs. These may include persistent sadness, lack of energy, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, emotional numbness, or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. If you're experiencing several of these symptoms, it's worth considering that depression might be at play. Sometimes these are caused by obvious external factors (loss of a loved one, loss of a job, etc.), and sometimes it is harder to pinpoint why these feelings are showing up.

2. Questioning:
   Depression can make your emotions feel like a roller coaster. You might find that closeness and intimacy exists sometimes, and other times it might be hard to find, or you might find yourself constantly feeling distant from your partner, unable to experience the joy and intimacy that once characterized your relationship. This emotional numbness can lead you to question your feelings for your partner. When experiencing doubt about your relationship and about your partner, you can ask your self “is there anywhere else I am feeling like this?" If this feeling is universal or extends to other parts of your life, it is possible that the relationship is not the problem.
   We tend to think in black or white, “should I stay or go”, “am I in love or have I fallen out of love?” Relationships are much more nuanced and complicated than that. Instead of simply questioning the relationship, you can check in with yourself by asking broader questions, such as “what would my life look like without my partner in it?”, “what do I still enjoy about the relationship?”, “when do I feel good in the relationship?”

3. Communicate and Seek Support:
   Open and honest communication is key in any relationship but especially when you're feeling disconnected from your partner. It can be difficult to have these conversations, especially when you might be afraid of hurting your partner, but including them in what’s going on allows a collaborative approach to answering the question “have I fallen out of love or am I just depressed?” If you have fallen out of love, it is important to share this information with your partner instead of blindsiding them by leaving abruptly. If you might be struggling with depression, it is also important to share this so that they can support you. It's important to talk about your emotions and concerns with your partner, but it's equally crucial to seek support from a mental health professional. A therapist or counsellor can help you differentiate between relationship issues and the impact of depression on your emotions.

4. The Difference Between Depression and Falling Out of Love:
   Understanding the distinction between falling out of love and experiencing depression is challenging as they can feel similar to one another. Both can lead to feelings of disconnection, sadness, doubt, numbness, and possibly even disgust. If you are experiencing any of these things, it's essential to remember that depression can cloud your judgment and affect your perception of love. One major difference between feeling depressed and having fallen out of love is whether or not the feelings that you feel toward your partner or relationship extend to other parts of your life. Do you still enjoy time with your friends or doing hobbies? Are you still motivated to exercise or go to work? If you are struggling in several areas of your life, not just your relationship, it may be time to consider that this is something outside of your relationship.

5. Healing and Recovery:
   If you discover that depression is a significant factor in your emotional state, it's crucial to address it with professional help. Once you begin managing your depression, your feelings of love and connection may improve. Addressing your mental health can help you reconnect with positive emotions again.

6. Deciding the Fate of Your Relationship:
   While depression can contribute to feelings of disconnect, it doesn't mean your relationship is automatically doomed. If you and your partner are committed to each other and willing to work through the challenges, there's hope for your relationship. It may take time, patience, and effort to rebuild your connection.

Falling out of love and experiencing depression can be intertwined, making it challenging to decipher your true emotions. It's essential to remember that mental health issues can affect your perception of love and relationships. Seeking professional help to address depression is the first step in understanding and potentially repairing your connection with your partner. Remember that love is a complex and evolving emotion, and with the right support, you can navigate these difficult times and find your way back to a healthier, happier relationship.